Christians are straight up FREAKS
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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