I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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