Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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