Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
