small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
