She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
