i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
