That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
