Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
