508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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