You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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