Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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