maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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