you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
