Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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