i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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