Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
