oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
