): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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