I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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