Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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