can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
