Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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