dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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