If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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