It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
