I can tuck mytits in my pants
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
