you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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