So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
