Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
