The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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