highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
