12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
