yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
