I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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