Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
