we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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