He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
