There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
