i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
