apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
