the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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