Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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