i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
