did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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