Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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