I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
