I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Randomize
