I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
