Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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