He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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