the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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