I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
